Blog gets a heart attack tonight

Well, it feels a little bit awkward to start writing all over again after a very long while. See the last date of my last story and now one semester of my sonography course has gone and suddenly my blog got a heart attack seeing me jotting things back without a warning. In fact, there is not little things to write in here but it seems like im short of enough words to describe things in a good order making it a terrible blog writing. But that's Ok. In situation like this i know all i need is to START. That is the magic word that helps things done with me. Start.

So I want to start again. Writing is not something new. It is something I groomed and abandoned. All i need is to look at what I have left and re-groom it.

So, Im still a student. A trainee who has to go 'working' like I got paid. Everyday meeting 'stupid' educated people ( now here it goes...) and has to converse in a 'stupid' English. I always used to believe that once i get into the world of working, the deeper i get the more chance for me to mingle around stupid people. Now that Im here, i can look into the mirror and say 'welcome to your prediction '.

Alright, here are some things that I ve learnt about life lately.

Not to please people make things in your heart nicely arranged in order. You will overcome nervousness, your performance becomes better, you get to rid of stupid things easier. You wont be thinking of what people think about you. It really makes going to college a little much more fun that before.

People tend to please others either they think pleasing means impressing, or because they think that the persons they want to please are much more qualified and experts. So they feel a kind of inferiority complex to be around these experts, feeling it important to show the humbleness through pleasing. As for me, i think i was close to the later type of pleasers. But now, after so many stupid things happen in the college, I got this conclusion that pleasing other people in whatever reason it is, is nonsense and practically pathetic.

So, i had thrown pleasing into the trash and went to buy something called ' do the right thing'. When i use it, it makes me looking forward to do things and expose myself to mistakes. Yes, that is the thing. Once im rid of pleasing others, i found myself not scared of trying new things and making mistakes. So my learning process became perfect and the more i made those mistakes the fitter i feel i become with ultrasound, with presentation and problem solving. I feel im not scared anymore to be scolded.

And it pays. People sense you once you are a free flying bird in the sky. Your eyes shine bright even when you are being scolded. You give that message that 'happy to be scolded' and it hold them back. trust me it does. You can feel it.

The other obvious thing that I have learnt is proffesionalism. I dont define it by how you look but how you do it. My colleagues seem to wear like a proffesional to make them look one. But the outer 'proffesional' garment they wear become like a teaser to their profesionalism. It makes them look very, very pathetic and that annoys me most of the time. Again, it is to please the superiors. For me, patients first. Patients come from different backgrounds. Some come by cars, some just walking. I can see a whole lot of different type of  people in my patients. They dont come to see what you're wearing. They come to get themselves checked, to expose their clothes to the sticky gel and get their belly and ribs pressed with the probe. They see how you talk to them, response to their preference, your empathy and efficiency. You are there as a sonographer, not a steward.

Ok im sleepy. See im such a jerk with a heck in the neck. Poor blog tonight getting hijacked by my poor writing. Hmm what to do....

Adios