Inspiration

I should have slept now, snoring and snoozing and fighting in a war with the mosquitos who are determine to fill the 1 liter blood tank they hide somewhere I dont know.

I wanted to sleep my eyes were sore, begging me to give up night events but then something has caffeinated my veins.

It is already half pass four. I already swear to myself not to sleep no matter what in case I wont be able to wake up for fajr. I would rather overdosely caffeinated than to be awake by the birds on the next morning torturing me for leaving fajr. You are grown up already. The birds shouldnt look down on you.

I spend more than half part of my tonight reading my sis' collection of poems that she wrote herself. I tell you what, she writes poems like a pro. Like A. Samad Said, like Iqbal, like no one I dont know in poem bussiness. And let me tell you what, she is so deep in her writting, hitting my heart and melting my core. She just know how to say it all and she speaks your mind like you feel she has done a big favor to let the world know the words u have been holding between ur teeth unspokenly. She wrote it all. Cool.

Me, I used to write poems too, not few but pages. I still remember writting all those poems in my childish style and when I read them back I couldnt believe it was me writing coz I sound so.... innocent.

Reading my sis' poems make me wana poem again. I know I have that talent but my style is a little bit different though I wish I can write just like her but I believe that anyone, if write with heart, will melt hearts.

It is not to melt whoever's heart or what. But you dont know what kinds of future you will get to go through. Here, the poems are for the future me. When she is sad in the future, here i am telling her you have been there once and you survived. By the Will of Allah, you will survive again just dont worry and be happy. I just know she will feel okay then.

I cant help but to listen to surah TaaHa again and again. The story of the Prophet Musa alaihissalam who had to meet Pharoah really makes my heart pounds hard. I cant imagine whats going on in the Prophet's heart. He was scared, he asked Allah to help him, lighten his chest and make him brave. God say 'inni ma3akuma asma3u wa ara' Im with u, I hear, and I see.

Allah heard it all Laila, Allah was there. He saw you, He saw what happened. No one can lie to Allah. No one can pretend to be innocent. Dont worry Laila, Allah knows it all. Allah is Just.

Well, I need to stay silent for a while. This is so interesting about surah Taaha. This Surah is so...convincing. Subhanallah.